Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
