I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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