So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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