someone get that fucking seahorse.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
