You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
