He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
