Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
