the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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