Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I need to calm my uterus...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
