I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
