Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
