it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
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If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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