so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
