If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
