if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
