How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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