haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
