I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
