Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
