If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
