if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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