Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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