I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
