I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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