That's intense
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
