Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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