Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
