please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
