the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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