Reggie can tackle my bush.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
