It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize