I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
