even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Less talking, more tequila
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
