guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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