Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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