So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
