i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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