i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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