She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize