im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
