That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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