Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
try to milk me bitch
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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