Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
