i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
