I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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