Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize