He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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