Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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