She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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