I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just invented taco cereal.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
