Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
