Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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