OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
