after a month anything with tits is on the radar
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
