Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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