I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
