you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
