"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
