This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
