You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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