I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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