yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
