Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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