what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
