you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
