how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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