We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
