Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
