On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize