it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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