The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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