White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
